


for death and he

by AnnoyingBeardMentality



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Godstuck AU, M/M, practice internet safety kiddos, think Godstuck but with a lot of cults
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22453813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnoyingBeardMentality/pseuds/AnnoyingBeardMentality
Summary: A god losing his grip. A college student just trying to get through school. The malpractice of online safety. Hal has become less of a god and more of a holy leech, needing other living beings if he wants to survive, and now it's time for Dirk to become his next host. However, a trail of the dead follows Hal. Will it catch up to him? More than likely. But not before he finds himself falling for his unlikely victim.
Relationships: Auto-Responder | Lil Hal/Dirk Strider
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. virus candy and idiocy

This party sucked.

It wasn’t the fact that the party itself was bad, but the suckyness of the party predominately came from Dirk himself. Things that he used to enjoy, like this shitty party, felt like they were slowly getting crappier and crappier over time. Whether it was boredom or how they always seemed to go the same, he couldn’t quite tell. But it sucked to Dirk. Everyone else was having a good time, and part of him was jealous of them for that, but he felt like it sucked.

But of course it sucked for Dirk. Dirk Strider, forever sitting on the couch, making boring idle conversation, waiting to get himself drunk. Dirk Strider, always embarrassing himself when he gets drunk. Dirk Strider, waking up in the morning with a shitty hangover and a will in his mind that he was never drinking again. Parties weren’t awful, but he just couldn’t get why he wasn’t enjoying them anymore.

Maybe because of the monotony of his actions at these parties, or maybe he was becoming more of a homebody. The latter option made the most sense to him right off the bat. He was spending more time at home, but he blamed that mostly on school and how it was so vigorously kicking his ass at the moment.

The blonde took a sip of probably one of the grossest IPA’s he’s ever drank before setting the bottle down and deciding he was done with it. It was almost full.

Music played, people were dancing, the air was hot and humid with their sweat. It was kinda gross. Deciding he needed a break, he shoved his way out of the living room and into the back yard, greeted by a cold yet refreshing gust of night air as he stumbled upon what seemed to be a beer pong tournament? Except all frat-dudes involved seemed way too fucked up. Amber eyes scoped the scene before settling upon three mostly empty tequila bottles on the floor. Ah. Tequila pong.

Considering the last time he decided to play the one way alcohol poisoning game of Tequila pong, he decided against it. Nope. Never again.

Reasoning being, nobody wanted to watch him try to jump from the roof and into the neighbor’s pool and fail again. That entire incident ended with a broken wrist and a written apology.

But see? He used to think this was fun. Now he was bored, tired, and couldn’t wait to put on his pajamas and fuzzy socks when he got home.

He needed to find Roxy.

Turning around to head back inside, he struggled through the living room and made his way towards the kitchen, only to run into a very frazzled looking Jane dealing with a very stoned freshman he didn’t recognize.

“Hey, where’s Roxy?” Dirk asked, grabbing some paper towels and handing them to Jane as she tried desperately to clean up a green mess that the freshman seemed to have spilled. The freshman seemed cool with it. Hell, Dirk wasn’t even sure if the freshman noticed that he had spilled half of whatever the fuck that green stuff was all over the front of him. He was blazed as fuck.

“Last place I saw her was in the garage getting more drinks, but that couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes ago,” Jane replied, gratefully taking the paper towels and using them to sop up the green mess. “By the way,” the brunette huffed, straightening up and dumping the dirty trash into the bin, “This is Gamzee, he’s the foreign exchange student I’ve been mentoring.”

“How’s it been, brother? Long time no see,” Gamzee grins, his voice deep and laced with an accent he didn’t recognize. The stoner reached over and clapped a large hand on Dirk’s back, possibly getting some of that goop on his shirt.

Dirk has never met this kid in his life.

“Uh…it’s been good,” Dirk says slowly, taking a step away from Gamzee as he turned back to Jane, “Look, if you get the chance to talk to Roxy, let her know I’m headed home. Glad for the invite though, that was cool of her. Don’t think this kind of stuff is my thing anymore though.” Hm. Maybe a little too much information for now. He didn’t want to offend Roxy for inviting him to these, he knew she genuinely enjoyed them and that he used to too. But might as well be honest, right?

“Oh, uhm, alright,” Jane replied, seeming a little taken aback by Dirk’s bluntness. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Dirk nodded, briefly eyeing Gamzee warily before making his way out of the party. Part of him kinda felt bad for the guy. He seemed stoned out of his mind. But hey, at least even he was having a good time.

The party had been hosted at a nearby fraternity house that was only about three blocks from the school, making it only about a twenty-ish minute walk back to his dorms, which wasn’t too bad. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he quickly sent a text to Roxy, just in case Jane didn’t get the chance to relay the message.

Headed home. Thanks for the invite.

Dirk knew Roxy worried about him sometimes. Especially these past few months since his particularly messy breakup with his ex. But that was a story for another day.

It didn’t take long for him to reach his dorm, quickly changing out of his plain jeans and t-shirt and into his beloved fuzzy socks, sweatpants and hoodie. It was a cold night and he might as well get comfortable for the night.

Flopping onto the bed, he couldn’t help but lie there for a second. The room was completely quiet, other than the gentle hum of the heater running and the soft thump of his heart beating. Glancing at his clock on his desk, it was only ten forty-five. It wasn’t even that late. But why did he feel so fucking tired? He lied still on his bed for as long as he could manage, legs dangling over the side as he shifted and shoved his face into his pillow, only to immediately sit up in distaste as a red line formed across his face from his shades.

Right. He was wearing those.

Dirk took them off and set them on his desk next to his bed before getting settled in. Snuggled in a thick duvet, laptop in his lap, he grabbed his glasses off of his desk. Trading comfort over style, he guessed. It was a miracle he could get those wack-ass shades as prescription, but he was from Hollywood and wasn’t about to read too deep into this and you shouldn’t either.

Was he tired? Yes. But it was more like the slightly sleepy that led into boredom that led into him browsing the internet for a couple of hours.

An hour and a half later, Dirk found himself falling down the rabbit hole of food network youtube videos on how to make gourmet gushers when an unfamiliar notification popped up. It was from Pesterchum, what was essentially a remake of the now outdated Skype, but he didn’t recognize the message that appeared.

autoResponder [AR] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

AR: Hey. Ever wondered what ascension is like?

The name autoResponder immediately made Dirk think this was a bot messaging him. But that didn’t make sense. The only way someone could message him would be if he gave them his username himself, but he couldn’t remember giving anyone his username recently. He honestly didn’t even use Pesterchum that much lately anyways because of how busy he’s been with school. This totally had to be a bot. But it hadn’t sent him any weird links yet or offered to show him boobs. Or maybe it was a hacker trying to give his laptop a virus. But he could handle that. Maybe it would be fun to fuck with this guy. If he was going to try to send him a virus he would well deserve it. 

Just as he started to type a response back, he got another message. 

AR: Ever wondered what happens after death?

Dirk’s fingers hesitated. Now this was starting to sound a little more religious-y. But it gave more of the vibe of those signs you drive by on road trips. The ones paid for by Biblethumpers who had nothing better to do but shove god in every aspect of life, including road trips apparently. 

Another message. 

AR: Ever wondered what happens when everything becomes void, Dirk?

Dirk closed his laptop. 


	2. dickhead behind a computer

AR: Ever wonder what happens when everything becomes void, Dirk?

Maybe that's enough internet for tonight. One second you're watching someone showing you how to make your own pasta, and the next you're getting religious bots asking you what you think happens after death. Hm. Dirk couldn't say he was a fan. But he was curious.

His laptop remained in his lap, closed, but he stared at it, almost as if he was waiting for it to do something. It wouldn't. But part of him wanted a response to him closing it rather than just the silence that was ensuing. He didn't want to open the laptop back up and find a million pop ups for porn games or whatever viruses do to wreak havoc on electronics these days. If this even was a hacker. It totally had to be a bot.

Nonetheless, despite every fibre of his body not wanting to do it, he slowly opened back up the laptop.

The bright light emitting from it felt blinding in the dark room, but once his eyes adjusted, he noticed two missed messages from this possible bot.

AR: Don't be like that. 

AR: You know I'm just trying to be friends. Do you know what a friend is? Chums? Pals? Best bros?

Dirks mind was a mess of questions right now, he didn't even know where to start. Who was this guy, if not a bot? How did he know his name? Why was he asking him about ascension? What the hell does ascension even mean? He could feel his hands shaking a little bit, more out of shock than fear, and quickly got to work on a response.

TT: I don't even know who the hell you are. How did you get my Pesterchum handle?

AR: I wouldn't ask that. But I get that you've got questions. Next question!

The red text seemed to appear almost milliseconds after Dirk sent the message, and the answer was frustrating. Ok. Be a cryptic asshat. Now that he thought about it, this guy was probably a troll. That still didn't answer why or how he got his Pesterchum handle, but he pressed on.

TT: Ok be like that then.

TT: Are you a bot or just some dickhead behind a computer? Because at this rate I'm guessing you're a dickhead behind a computer and I'm gonna have to let you know that you should fuck off.

AR: A little bit of both.

Ok so that was a crock of horseshit, but alright. Dirk didn't believe him. But then again, Dirk was pretty steadily headed down the route of whatever this guy says to him he's going to argue it.

AR: I should probably introduce myself if we're going to get to know each other. I'm Hal, or dickhead in and behind a computer. You've probably heard of me.

AR: You seem like a comfortable guy who might be looking for more, yeah? You're just going through life, clock in, clock out. School, friends, eat, sleep, repeat. The same radically monotonous routine day in and day out.

AR: Don't you want to ascend?

There it is again. Ascend.

TT: Whats that mean.

The response came almost immediately. Three chunks of words sent almost all at the same time in separate messages.

AR: Have you ever thought of being reborn? Reincarnation is one thing, but being reborn into a higher tier of human existence is another. Dying is eminent but your life after this one is forever. You can live on. Become a higher being, a greater being than everyone and everything before you. There is no need to fear when you have ascended your moral realm.

AR: Now, I know that this sounds like bullshit, I get that a lot. But aren't you even curious? You're a smart guy I think, someone who can tell what's a lie and what isn't, but I am telling you the truth here, ascension is one incredible thing. I can show you. For example, I've ascended. I've ascended this gross plane of existence and have become so much more. Don't you want that for yourself?

AR: I can show you how to be a god, Dirk. You have the skills and abilities to create yourself into your best version of yourself here on the mortal plane, sure, but let me show you how to ascend. How to become more than just a college student so bored of his life that he can't even sit through a single fucking party. I can show you how to become more than what you are. 

Goosebumps had risen on Dirk's skin. This was officially creeping him out. Whoever this guy--Hal--Hal was a fucking weirdo. He didn't like the fact that he knew what was going on in his life, and he especially didn't like the fact that he knew his information and he especially didn't like the unsolicited encouragement to 'ascend'. That was uncomfortable as hell. His stomach felt sick.

And yet, he prodded further.

TT: So you apparently have my information and clearly you want me to ascend too, but what if I don't want to? Because I don't know about you, but continuing to exist on this 'mortal realm' is a pretty enticing idea my dude. I don't think I really want to ascend with you. 

AR: You will.

Yeah right dude, Dirk thought to himself. Hal was a creeper and a weirdo and quite possibly an unholy combination of the two or whatever, that he didn't want to deal with. Glancing at his clock, it was now almost one in the morning. Well, seemed like as good of a time as any to turn it in for the night. Fuck this guy.

TT: Yeah alright dude whatever. Have fun creeping people out or whatever, I'm going to block you.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering autoResponder [AR]

Dirk waited a second, awaiting another instantaneous response from Hal like he had been receiving, and when that response didn't come, Dirk shrugged and blocked the other from messaging him again. What a fucking weirdo.

Closing his laptop, he set it on his desk with his glasses on top of it before sinking down into the comfort of his pillows on his bed, closing his eyes to sleep. That night it didn't take long for him to knock out, but the last two words that that Hal guy sent him still floated around his head as he faded into sleep.

You will.

Yeah, alright buddy.

* * *

It's warm, but Dirk feels goosebumps on his flesh as he stares up at the wooden throne, built from knotted roots and decorated with gaudy jewels and layered with intricate gold designs. He's on his knees before it in seeming veneration, his head tilting down as the figure from the throne steps forward him. The figure is too beautiful for words, there's literally no way to describe it other than otherworldly. More than gorgeous and too ethereal to be stunning. 

Its hands are soft as it reaches down to cup his face with its long slender fingers, thumb gently rubbing against his cheek as it tilts his face up for him to look at it. As his eyes flutter open, his gaze travels up, along the slim curves of its body -- his body -- as he looks up. Dirk knew him, but he didn't recognize him. It felt like he's known him all his life. The figure, no, the god, was stunning, his ruby red eyes staring down at him, smiling a smile full of razor sharp teeth. He's beautiful, but he's crying. His ruby red eyes are crying scarlet tears, and they drip down on Dirk's cheeks, his forehead, his lips.

Dirk can taste the iron on his mouth as he tries to reach up to wipe the tears from the other's face. He wanted him. He wanted to join him. He wanted to be him.

The god's nails begin to dig into his cheeks. Slowly but surely grabbing his face harder and harder, his nails puncturing his skin as he pulls his face closer. It doesn't hurt. Dirk finds, he actually likes it. His mouth is slick with blood as he stares into the other's eyes as the god opens his mouth.

"You will."

Dirk woke up.

His body was drenched in sweat and his stomach felt like it had twisted itself into a knot. He also had a hard-on. What the fuck was that dream?

He didn't want to think about it. He felt...gross.

Scratching his head, he sat up in bed. He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to think about that weird ass dream that he could feel already fading from thought, and he especially didn't want to think about why it fucking gave him a boner. Nope. Fuck that. 

He felt sick. A hand pressed against his sweaty forehead, but it didn't really feel too warm in the sense of being sick. Just that it was hot in his dorm. 

Grabbing his glasses off of the desk next to his bed, he slid them on and turned on his phone, checking his notifications. 

A text from Roxy.

hey sorry for the laet text i didnt see yours. ill see you tomorrrow!

A notification from his grades app. Nothing important there.

And two Pesterchum notifications. 

Dirk felt his stomach drop, remembering the eerie conversation he had the night before, and he tapped on the notification, opening them up. 

autoResponder [AR] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

AR: Good morning. Not gonna lie, I'm a little hurt. Kind of looking to be friends here. Thought you could use some anyways considering what your current social circle's looking like.

AR: Anyways, I should let you know you're not getting rid of me that easy.

Dirk stared at the red texts for a good five minutes. No, no, no, he blocked this douchebag. He could remember going into User Settings and blocking him. 

He didn't feel good. 

Staring at the message for a good while longer, he felt sick; dropping his phone, he quickly made his way towards the bathroom, before dropping down and sticking his face into that porcelain throne, puking his metaphorical guts out.


	3. cancelled plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, after a little over a year im back. sorry bout that ppl be dying n shit
> 
> anyways, hal's kind of weird, but we knew that already

Dirk wiped the bile from his lips before leaning against the toilet bowl. Fuck. The combination of his nerves and a hangover wasn't treating him well, and his mind was racing despite the mounting headache. _'You're not getting rid of me that easy' my ass you ominous fuckhead,_ Dirk thought. But something still clutched at his chest with the worry that this was going to be a bigger problem than he thought. 

The blonde lingered near the toilet bowl for a moment longer, taking in every bit of how shitty he felt. The lingering memory of the dream still left his body feeling gross to his core, and the message had left his brain with this vague feeling of dread. Like the calm before the storm, like things weren't bad right now, but if he let them, they could get so much worse. 

_Ping!_

Another message. 

It's early in the morning, can this guy give him a fucking break?

He considers ignoring it. Simply not picking up his phone and leaving it so he can carry on with his day. He had things to do, people to meet, maybe if he didn't give this dude the time of day he could actually leave him alone. 

And yet, curiosity gets the better of him, and Dirk finally pulls himself away from the toilet to go to the other room. His phone's still sitting on the ground, screen bright and face up. He ignores the upset feeling in his stomach as he picks it up to read the now familiar text. 

AR: That was probably dramatic. My bad.

AR: But consider what you're turning your back on. You might not know me, but I know everything about you, Dirk. I chose you, and while that might not mean much in these times, you should honestly be pretty flattered. 

Something in Dirk's chest sinks upon reading that he knows everything about him, but he guessed that wasn't wholly uncommon for someone related to a famous dude. Even if he and said famous dude weren't really on speaking terms anymore, it was still a relation he guessed. That was his most logical assumption at this point. Some crazed fan of his brothers is now messing with him to get to his brother. It made more sense than anything that Hal seemed to be saying. 

Dirk should ignore the messages. He should probably delete the whole app for extra precaution. But he doesn't. He's irritated, for good reason, so shaky fingers start typing.

TT: Oh my god you can absolutely go fuck yourself, dude.

TT: What are you gonna tell me next, I can only ascend if I die wearing Nikes under some comet? Or am i gonna have to drink some poisonous Kool-Aide or something. 

TT: Get some better jokes, man. This is just unoriginal.

Usually Dirk can compose himself better than this. He isn't really one to take the bait from some online troll, but something about this just absolutely gets under his skin. Maybe it's the irritation that this could potentially be about his brother and Dirk's just a factor in some weird equation of it. Or maybe that this guy is just a really dedicated troll who thinks it's funny to kick a dude when he's already down. The timing of it feels awful, everything about it feels awful. And despite how dramatic the guy seems to be, he seems dead serious. He seems aware of himself and how he sounds, to an extent.

AR: Looks like I hit a nerve.

Obviously.

AR: Let me make something clear, dickhead. I'm choosing you. There are billions of people on this planet, a lot of them would be easier to convince than you. But I didn't choose them, because I want you. We're gonna be friends, man. Once you reach what you were meant to become through ascension, you will owe it all to me. 

AR: I don't want your brother, I don't want your friends. I don't want anything in your pitiful life right now, I just want you.

AR: So! I'm going to ask you again because you seem so stubborn and so set in the idea that you're just gonna be a dick to me. Do you want to ascend?

The messages come in rapid succession. There's not even a buffer between them. In fact, now that he's thinking about it, the familiar icon of three dots that reads 'typing...' hasn't come up a single time in their conversations. But there's no way this could be copy and paste. 

But reading the text, a scowl twists its way onto his lips. He doesn't like how Hal doubles down on that he _chose_ Dirk. The name-calling feels childish, and everything about these messages feels surreal.

Before he can type out a response, another short line of text appears on his phone that turns his blood to ice.

AR: Don't look like that, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Dirk feels like throwing up again. His head darts up to look out the window at the buildings across the way, but he sees nothing. He doesn't even know where to look. But this guys _watching_ him. Right now. Not just tracking what he does, not just looking in on his browser history or anything like that. It makes something twist in his gut. Disgust? Nausea? Something else? He's freaked out, to say the least, but part of him is now beginning to just feel pissed.

Despite the twisted up feeling in his stomach, he stands to quickly close the curtains. Fuck, when did his hands start shaking? He then grabbed his phone and turned it off. Nope. Not dealing with that right now. He needs to distract himself.

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  autoResponder [AR]

* * *

Three hours later, Dirk finds himself at a coffee shop. A usual meeting place for he and Roxy, filled to the brim with overpriced lattes and baked goods. It started out as some ironic joke between them, considering they were broke as shit buying things that really shouldn't be in their budget. But fuck, the lattes were good, and it was nearly exactly between where they lived. 

He looked exhausted, but for the most part, the uneasiness in his stomach subsided and all he's left with is a mild headache. At this point he can't tell if it's from the stress of being stalked or from the hangover though.

He orders an americano and waits. His laptop is in his bag, but he doesn't open it. He wants her to see what's going on and maybe help him get rid of his little stalker. As much as he'd love to take care of it himself, this guy...knows too much. He feels too omnipresent already, and it's barely been a day. It's only ten in the morning, and maybe he's overreacting and taking some troll too seriously. Or maybe he's reacting just as he should. Fuck if he knows.

For now, all he can do is wait for her to show up and maybe help explain away all this shit. Maybe he fucked up in the blocking process, maybe this is a hack and he just needs to make a new account and start all over again, or maybe this guy is for real, and he should go to the police or some shit. 

So he waits.

And waits.

And waits.

Thirty minutes in, he gets bored. He should contact her. Maybe she slept in? He knew it had been kind of unrealistic to ask her to meet up this early in the morning. Or maybe she forgot. That also wasn't outside of the realm of possibilities. 

He opens up his phone and checks Pesterchum first, as much as he hates to.

Deliberately looking past the conversation labeled autoResponder, he finds his conversation with Roxy and...wait. This can't be right. 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Hey Rox, I feel like shit can we meet up another time?

TG: dirk got his party on last nite i see 

TG: don't worry about it tho im still partying on in ur honor

TG: drink lots of water and dont die or anything!

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

His hands are shaking again. What the fuck. What in the absolute fuckery is happening right now. 

He didn't send that. Hell, he didn't even get the notifications from when she responded. He should call her. He's got to let her know that that's _not him_. But almost like clockwork, he gets a phone call.

Unknown Caller.

Has he gone to the fucking Twilight Zone?

He answers, almost gingerly bringing the phone up to his ear. Before he can even say hello, a vaguely familiar voice answers.

"Yo. I think now's probably a good time to talk, since you seem to have fun leaving me on read."


End file.
